IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
