Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
