sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
