Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
