I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
