I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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