Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
