I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
