You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
