My boss' voice literally gives me gas
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
