after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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