Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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