Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
