I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
