We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
