I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
