There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Sext me about skeletons
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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