im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
