I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
