A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
