i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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