Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize