He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I didn't notice because vodka
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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