just come out here and I will go home with you...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
