Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
