So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
