How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
