I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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