Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
