i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
