Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
