accomplished twins. life is a go
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
