goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
