just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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