Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
