You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
