Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
if only i could text you this smell
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
