Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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