xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize