Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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