You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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