my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
