"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
