I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
