I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
