He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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