Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
