well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
why do cheetos always look like penises
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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