I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
