I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
