I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
