Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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