if you like me you must not know who I am
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
