Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
