Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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