i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
