I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
