Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
only if we run a train.
done.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
