Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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