I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
