We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
