Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
