Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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