i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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