What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
