elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
