His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
