I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
