six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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