Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
