i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
