batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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