My boss' voice literally gives me gas
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
