So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize