Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
