found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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