Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
