I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
