I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
