Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dicks are not precious.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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