I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize